I'm Not Sorry - a Slam Poem by Yours Truly
by Crystalteen
Summary: This is a Slam Poem that I wrote about a serious issue - one that isn't touched on hardly enough.


My name is Marley.  
And I don't see why I should be sorry.  
After all, I didn't do anything wrong.  
Here.  
Allow me to explain everything from top to bottom.  
That way, when I'm through, you'll also be able to see that an apology should be the last thing that I have to brew.

My name is Marley.  
I'm the most popular girl in school, the captain of the cheerleading squad.  
Everyone loves me.  
You don't believe me?  
If that's the case, then you should come to one of the school's events and listen to how many people scream for joy whenever I come skipping in, leading the rest of the team.  
I have a pretty smile, one that looks like it was made from heaven's brightest beam.  
My hair is silky, my lips are glossy, and my figure is a perfect ten.  
Did I mention that I got accepted into Brown University and that I have a boyfriend named Ben?  
I still remember the day in which he lost his virginity to me.  
Til' this day, I can recall every little detail of that day—the day in which I heard his moans of pleasure and saw that wide smile of delight painted practically ear-to-ear across his face for the first time.  
Ben loved every minute of it.  
And because of me being his girlfriend, every other boy in school was jealous of him.  
Even his best friend, Tim.  
If I had to guess, that's why Tim spread the rumors that he did.  
Yeah, that just _had _to be it.  
Tim _had _to have been jealous.  
After all, there's no other explanation.

"Huh? Back up a moment, Marley. What are you talking about? What rumors did Tim spread?"  
Well, I'm glad you asked.  
Ladies and gentlemen, make sure that you're listening.  
This is where the story _really _gets interesting.

There was a party to celebrate the end of the school year.  
Needless to say, it provided beer.  
So much beer, more beer than anybody could _ever _imagine.  
Everyone was hooking up and I was rather envious of the amount of passion that I saw.  
Well, at least I can admit that, right?  
I drank, but I was still aware of everything that I was doing that night.  
Everyone was moving.  
Dancing, chugging alcohol, and shoving their tongues down each other's throats.  
I should've been one of those with a make out partner, but Ben had told me earlier that day that he wouldn't be able to come.  
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want some.  
I'm not going to beat around the bush.  
I was horny as hell.  
It felt as though I was trapped in a prison cell.  
I was bored and I wanted to have some fun.

Now, let me interrupt the story for a moment here.  
I just want to make one thing clear.  
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex.  
I am a human being.  
And sex is a natural thing.  
I'm not ashamed for what I did that night.  
Yet, when I tell other people that, they keep wanting to put up a fight.  
Let me keep explaining.  
Because I still don't see why I owe anyone an apology.

The music was blaring as I headed upstairs.  
My perfume smelled like pears.  
I looked pretty and perfect, wearing a lavender dress with black high heels and only the finest pearls.  
My makeup was nicely done and I was still on the search for some fun.  
That's when I stumbled across a bedroom door that was cracked open.  
And there was Tim.  
He was lying across the bed.  
He almost looked dead.  
But I could see that he was fine.  
He just had a little too much wine.

My name is Marley.  
Any boy would _kill _to have me.  
Ben wasn't there when I wanted him to be.  
What was I supposed to do?  
What Tim was going through was nothing more than something similar to the flu.  
It wasn't like he couldn't have done anything to stop it.  
So what if he was tipsy?  
I actually heard from somewhere before that alcohol _enhances _the experience and makes it even _greater._  
How _lucky _for Tim, right?  
It should've been a great night.  
It was for me, but why not for _him?_  
Need I remind you all that it was _him _that was leaving himself sprawled out in the manner that he was on that bed?  
He was basically asking for it.

I licked my lips as I walked into the room.  
_Boom, boom, boom...!_  
Nobody could hear anything over the music.  
It was roaring and there was even rain pouring.  
With a seductive glow in my eyes, I approached the bed.  
He was groaning at me and slowly shaking his head.  
I grazed my perfectly manicured nails along the fabric of his shirt.  
I was waiting for him to begin to flirt.  
But instead?  
He just barely managed to stutter out the word, "N-no..."  
"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" I said back, grabbing his fly. "Come on, let's make your virginity say bye-bye~!"  
Seriously, it was nothing more than just some harmless fun.  
That final comment was meant to be a joke.  
Really.  
That's all it was, folks.

I removed my dress and I gave Tim a ride.  
After an experience like that, wouldn't any other boy be filled with pride?  
Especially with a girl like _me?_  
Like I said before, I _didn't _do anything wrong.  
Besides, I bet that he enjoyed how I looked in my thong.  
It was just a quickie.  
Most boys would've _killed _to have been in his spot.  
It wasn't like I expected him to tie the knot.  
It was just a one-night stand—a way to fulfill my desires and a way to provide Tim with a memory that he could carry for the rest of his life.  
Yet, not long after that night, I overheard that Tim had started cutting himself with a knife.  
What in the hell has gotten into him?  
He's even skipping his most favorite part of the school day—gym.  
During that time, he's sobbing in the showers.  
What? Was he corrupted by some evil powers?  
He doesn't even want to eat and when he falls asleep in class, he's awakened by nightmares.  
That's the only time in which he makes eye contact with me anymore.  
It's as if he's seen a ghost.  
Damn, what did _I_ do to him?  
It sounds like he has his own issues to work through.

For Christ's sake!  
Til' this day, I don't understand why Tim stooped so low!  
Is he literally _trying _to destroy my life?  
Goodbye Brown University!  
My letter of acceptance was revoked!  
And why did they do that?  
Because of Tim!  
That son of a bitch told everyone that I'm a rapist!  
Isn't that just ridiculous?  
Don't make me scoff!  
It's not _my _fault that he wanted me like I was the flame and he was the moth!  
Now, Ben broke up with me and I was kicked off the cheerleading squad!  
I'm probably not even going to be able to participate in graduation.  
This is all of your damn fault, Tim!  
What in the hell did _I_ do to deserve this kind of treatment?!

My name is Marley.  
And these rumors that all of my peers are gossiping about are _not _true.  
_Me? _  
The _head cheerleader? _  
The _most popular kid in school? _  
A _rapist?_  
Hearing that just makes me want to laugh in Tim's face.  
Yes, I confess that we had sex.  
Hell yeah, that's what we did that night.  
We screwed.  
We humped.  
We had intercourse.  
Call it whatever you want, but _don't _call it rape.  
I _didn't _rape him.

My name is Marley.  
I'm not just the _(ex) _head cheerleader and the _(previous) _most popular kid in school...  
... But I'm _also _a girl.  
Keep in mind, rape _doesn't _happen to boys.  
So, don't listen to all of Tim's noise.  
He's full of bullshit.  
No matter what he says, he was just playing hard to get.  
No, I don't want a bet.  
If, by some miracle, he _wasn't _playing hard to get, then I can guarantee that he was just caught up in trying to keep all of his alcohol down.  
If you see him, don't be fooled by his frown.  
Those tears in his eyes?  
They don't change the fact that he's just telling a bunch of lies.  
He enjoyed every second of it, I'm sure.

Oh!  
And guess what?  
_He's _the one who left the door cracked open.  
_He's _the one who drank too much to be able to sputter out more than just a couple of words.  
_He's _the one who didn't put up a fight.  
_He's _the one who didn't tell me to stop.  
And _he's _the one who tossed himself onto that bed before I even showed up.  
I was looking for a way to cure my boredom and _he's _the one who left himself sprawled out in a vulnerable state.  
If _he _didn't want to have sex with me ... then _he _should've done two things.  
One, _he _should've made it more clear.  
And two, _he _should've been smarter with the decisions that led up to him going into that bedroom on his own in the first place.  
Maybe if _he _did, we wouldn't have ended up sleeping together during that party.  
However, regardless of the events that were carried out on that night, there's two things that I know for sure.  
I am _not _a rapist ... and Tim might as well have been asking for it.

My name is Marley.  
And I am _not _sorry.

* * *

**A/N: My dear viewers ... he _wasn't _asking for it.**

**Rape is a _very _serious issue, which is why I wrote this Slam Poem. I literally almost started crying while writing it, too.**

**It happens to boys just as much as it happens to girls ... and I wanted to provide a mental picture of the reality that boys can be (and truly are) victims of this traumatic experience, too.**

**Rape is _not _something to joke about and it's not something that should be ignored.**

**If you're a victim of sexual assault or you know somebody who is going through it, don't be afraid to reach out and get  
help. You're _not _alone and you will _never be _alone.**

**Regardless of your gender, rape _can _happen to you.**

**With that being said, I want you all to be safe and to keep these three things in mind:**

**1) If they're unable to tell you no, they're also unable to give you consent.**

**2) _No _means _no._**

**3) If you're ever assaulted, it's _not _your fault.**

**Also ... please keep in mind that sex is a _big _responsibility**

**—not some mindless activity that you should do with as many people as possible****. I truly believe in waiting for marriage, but I also understand that not everyone is willing to do that in this world. I might not agree with it, but ... I still want you all to be safe. So, make sure to take care of yourselves out there, okay?**

**I love you all, my amazing viewers. 3**

**Keep your heads up and keep fighting, breathing, and living your lives.**

**Happy reading and writing to you all.**

**Sincerely yours,**

**Crystalteen.**


End file.
